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Ask the Real Jeff the Killer
"I’m Jeff. Get the fuck out of my house. No — no, I don’t care if you’re ‘not like the other girls’. Get the fuck out. Get — go — leave, before I fucking lose it. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you — do you have the attention span of a starfish?"

(Source: the--blue--pill)

Quite possibly the best/worst fortune cookie fortune ever.

(Source: funnyorwtf)

azraelnicotine sent:

Chemical nodded, smiling softly. "Yeah.. Thanks."

"No problem."  Jeff grinned slightly, waving him off.  "Tell me when you’re ready to go to bed; I’ll get some pillows ‘n blankets ‘n shit from upstairs."

azraelnicotine sent:

"I can flash around." He yawned slowly.

"Guess you’re right."  He shrugged.  Hearing his yawn, Jeff asked, "You wanna stay the night?  The couch is a lot more comfortable than the crappy futon I used to have."

issleytheincubus sent:

"Hey, Jeff, I'm back!" Issley called out. "I got the cigarettes you asked for." he dug thru the bag as he closed the door, locking it behind him. ((AU where there is no baby? That would be easier.))

the-real-jeff:

issleytheincubus:

the-real-jeff:

issleytheincubus:

the-real-jeff:

[[That’s fine!]]

Clearing his throat, he entered the room.  ”Thanks,” He replied, beginning to help him put the items Issley had bought away.  ”So what’d you get?”

[[Is this for the Doppelganger thing, or no?]]

"I could eat a whole cow raw right now…" Issley struggled to roll away so Jeff could get up.

Jeff grinned slightly as he stumbled to his feet.  ”Not sure if we have one,” He joked.  Going out into the hall and downstairs, he added, “I’ll call you when the food’s ready.”

A loudish grunt was Issley’s response.

Jeff grinned and rolled his eyes as he made his way into the kitchen before starting on some bacon, eggs, and toast.

myayylmao sent:

Goodnight u meme

the-real-jeff:

Go to sleep, Mya.

azraelnicotine sent:

Chemical shook his head. "It is, but I'm fine. I don't... You'd have to rebreak it."

Jeff winced at the thought, but shrugged.  ”Whatever you say.  Want me to see if I can make you some crutches, then?  Hate seein’ you unable to walk.” 

myayylmao sent:

Goodnight u meme

Go to sleep, Mya.

azraelnicotine sent:

Chemical smiled faintly. "I can't get up after you anyways. Azrael can ignore the pain of walkin' on a busted ankle, but I cannot."

"Is it seriously broken?" Jeff asked.  "I can build you a splint if you want; I did it that one time you fucked up my wrist."

teddybearandlaughingjill sent:

Im not the same as Jill !! Im trying not to be annoying!!! Please? I will torture myself to just STAND next to you!!

That’s really fucked up because I do not enjoy your presence.